What do I want to do?

By Tucker Bichsel

9/4/2025

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What am I going to do next? What am I going to enjoy? What will be fulfilling to me?

I am really struggling to answer these questions. And it is taking a toll on me. Because I don't have something to work on I am just wasting my free time mindless scrolling and consuming content. And I always feel regret afterward, that is a part of my life I am not getting back.

I wish it was as easy as just starting something, but the ideas just are coming or I am too good at convincing myself of reasons not to do it.

Blockers

There are a few things getting in my way of starting a new project. Lack of skills needed, comparing myself to other peoples' projects, that project never being profitable, time commitment, or just an inability to come up with an idea.

Lacking the skills in itself doesn't seem like it should an insurmountable obstacle, I can just learn those new skills. But when I pair that with comparing the projects I would create to others it seems I not only have to learn those skills but I need to become an expert in them. If I am not very skilled then what I create will just get buried behind projects that are better executed than mine.

Ideally a project i work on will on day be profitable. While this may sound a bit materialistic of me, and truthfully that is probably at least partially true, but there is more to it than that. I have zero passion for the work I do for my day job. I try to do a good job but there is just not anything about the domain I work in that gets me excited. I crave that. Pouring time and effort into solving a problem not because someone needs it fixed but because I need it fixed. But in order to do that I need money from my projects to replace my full time job, until that happens I still need to dedicate the majority of my time and energy working on someone else's project.

If I am able to get past these two hurdles with an idea I am still not in the clear. Even if the project seems fulfilling to me and I am willing to spend the time to build up those skills I am confronted with another blocker. Time. I just don't have that much free time, 10 hours a week at a maximum and most weeks are under that. With an optimistic estimation that would take weeks to become a notice and months to develop substantial skills. Dedicating that much time and effort has already discouraged me from taking on a couple of projects. That time commitment just outweighs the pros in my head.

Finally, I am just not coming up with exciting ideas. I am just not inspired by anything right now and can't come up with a good project. So even if I was able to convince myself that the time commitment to possible success ratio looks good I can't start it because it doesn't even exist in my head.

So I am stuck. Need to find a way to pull myself out.

I have a plan but it's going to take a lot of discipline, and I am nervous to commit to it.